Your success won’t make you happy
Let’s face it, being a founder is hard. And frequently, it’s also lonely.
You’ve been there, that constant angst of cashflow, sales, staff - and most of the time you need to handle it alone.
The opposite of loneliness is connection; it’s vital for us humans and we’re trending away from it, not towards it.
I want to highlight some supportive data and make a suggestion for addressing it.
First up: Way back in 1938, some Harvard researchers embarked on what became the longest-ever study of human life. At its core, the team wanted to establish: "What makes us happy in life?"
724 human participants from all walks of life, nationalities, and (probably) pronouns were covered. The results were hugely insightful, and for many, a surprise.
Going into the study, there were many conflicting hypotheses. Is it career achievement, money, fame, or simply wellness? None of these. The most consistent finding we’ve learned through 85 years of study is: positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.
As the relationship guru Esther Perel says, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives!”
Secondly, my good buddy Dom Sutton recommended what he calls “his best book ever,” Sebastian Junger’s Tribe. It’s a fantastic read centred around community and belonging, and this quote from the book struck a chord with me:
“Humans don’t mind hardship; in fact, they thrive on it; what they mind is not feeling necessary. Modern society has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary.”
It’s a powerful reminder that while being a founder is tough, it’s less the success and more the feeling of being needed and connected that helps us thrive.
My third point, and why I’m prompted to share this now, is that I recently had the privilege of MC’ing an event at The Grid (an Auckland Startup Hub), sponsored by the great folks at Tataki Auckland Unlimited (thanks for the mahi, Catriona!).
The intention here is to build community because, together, we’re better.
Community enables us to tap into broader wisdom, get a sense check, and ideate with others. Plus, it gives people the chance to call us out on our bullshit. And there’s that added benefit of oxytocin release from socialising—the “love chemical,” which is also a contributor to longevity.
This notion isn’t new. Kiwi SaaS was providing a great service until its funding was cut 🙄. Hopefully, a council-funded initiative can go the distance.
So, what do you do for community? How do you solve the gaps in your knowledge base? How do you connect and stay grounded as a founder? It’s a question worth asking ourselves, especially when things get tough.
If you’re feeling the weight of going it alone, consider joining one of my cohort-based programs for founders. These programs are designed to help you connect, learn, and grow alongside others who understand the unique challenges of this journey. You don’t have to walk this path alone—let's connect, strategise, and grow together.
Cheers,
Josh
