Are Your Values Still Serving the Person You Want to Become?
Can you change your values?
My values are consistent, right? Aren’t they formed when I was a kid and don’t change much through life? Not necessarily.
It's very hard to imagine our 10-year future selves; it's why so few of us do long-term life planning well. We project a future version of ourselves, which is just probably a slightly creakier and wrinklier version of the one who looks back at us in the mirror. And then make decisions accordingly. These decisions are driven by our values.
But.
Look back 10 years. Are you the same person today as you were then? Do you appreciate and desire the same things now as then? Do you make decisions with the same frame of reference as you did then? Is your behaviour the same? Your friends? Home? Family situation? My hypothesis is, borne of experience…there are probably some changes. You possibly act and think differently. You prioritise, work, spend, and perhaps eat differently. And so on.
How does this happen? Our external circumstances change; life experiences, our family, our government, pandemics….seismic external events have a huge impact on us. And then personally things change; we may achieve something we thought important and need to re-group (or realise that it wasn’t that important after all), our focus shifts, perhaps our job and, we have a bunch of experiences that inform the person we are, and want to be.
My experience was stumbling through this confusing soup of life just adapting and course changing when needed. Often unconsciously. And so much about me in outlook had changed - more so than my behaviours. Did it reflect the character or the person I wanted to be today?
All these questions were posed to me by Tony Robbins at his flagship program, “Date with Destiny”. We spent an entire 14-hour day on this. And the starter was understanding current values…
Mine were Success. Growth. Significance. Curiosity.
Did I like them? Not all of them. Especially when I had to explain them to someone else! They looked and felt icky. They had served me well for a period but did not reflect the person I wanted to be any longer. And they had to change. Help me please Tony!
What is possible? Well for me, I was drawn to love, contribution, growth, curiosity and wisdom.
I wanted to be more, not to have more.
If this sounds appealing - some suggestions for you: Start by listing your current values and reflecting on which ones no longer serve you. Identify new values that align with the person you want to become. Engage in exercises that challenge your current mindset, like imagining your ideal future self and contrasting that with your present behaviours and values. Seek experiences and mentors that support your new values. Journal like crazy on it and enlist the help of others to keep you accountable, real and focused.
I’ve now been on the journey of values change for a couple of years so I can attest that conscious values change is not only possible but can lead to profound personal growth and fulfilment.
Cheers,
Josh
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are."
– Roy Disney
"It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently."
– Warren Buffett
A tool to help you on the journey of change:
Generative AI is remarkably astute at assisting with personal insight and playing the role of coach. Anyone can have a go with a free Chat GPT account, why not go and have a conversation about your values, your future, and the person you'd like to become more of.
